I cannot believe that my first blog post here is about my mother. But at this moment, I think I should write about her.

Just because I'm the dumbest most ungrateful daughter any mother can have,

I told a lie.

Maybe it sounds silly and not-worth-mentioning to many people, but I feel like it's the worst thing I've ever done.

I have told lies before. Well, I am human. And I did tell lies. Not sure whether I will in future, I hope not.

But this time, maybe it's a God-sent lesson. or maybe I am finding excuses to justify my actions...

I lied to my mother. I have had told lies to my mother before. just not this big.(at least to me, it's something big).I had all the reasons in the world when I told the lie. I sounded confident and determined. 

I can still remember that when I was little, my mother told me that she could see through every lie that I tell. Every single one. Even when she didn't tell me that she knew I was lying. She knew.

Yet I donn't know why i came up with my stupid lying plan. It wasn't til Kei yelled at my for half an hour; it wasn't til Ann told me that I should stop lying...that it occurred to me that I sounded like an immature and irresponsible kid who ranted about her mom's overprotectiveness and uncoolness. But in truth, I'm already 19. And I am stilt acting like a childish teenager.

I cannot undo my lies now. Me regretting and being sorry may not make up for what I've already done. But I will stop now. It's time to stop lying.

What really touches me tonight is what Ann said about moms:

"sometimes they even let u lead. it's like they want to cherish that time to see the world with you... so it's not like she doesnt trust me. she just wants to make sure i am safe, or if i wont be at least she's there with me"

I cannot stop thinking about these words. I remember the fun I had with my mom when we were traveling on our own. Girl time. We would talk and shop and stay up late and giggle about boys. It's been long since we last did that, because then she fell very ill.

Someday I am going to grow up and go on my life journey, without my parents. But there's one thing that I am sure of. That is, my mother will always be there for me. Arms open when I need a hug. Or when I just want to be mommy's little girl.

But then she'd grow old, and the chances of us traveling together would become scarce gradually. And I'd regret about ranting not wanting my mother to mind my business, not wanting her to go on a trip with me when I was 19.

Before that happens, I would like to say,

Sorry, Mom. I am really sorry for what I have done.

I am such a coward, because I am scared of admitting my mistakes, destroying the trust you have towards me, breaking your heart.

I am so very sorry.

I promise not to lie anymore. And I swear that I will be a better person. Hopefully, one day, in God's standards, I can make up for what I have done.



I really love you, mommy.

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